...so is applying for a loan and not getting it. Ditto having one's iPod not work, and realizing that you were incredibly stupid to ask the ex-boyfriend to help, and you have no one but yourself to blame if he behaves like a passive-agressive old giraffe! But I did Bound, and then taught a wonderful class for 'Intuition'. It was fun, the students were glowing, and we sat to talk afterwards and enjoy Yogi Tea and one of the students made bruschetta. Fabulous!
I went home to find an incredibly horrid, self-serving and bullshit e-mail from said ex...behaving like the condescending thumb-crusher he was when I dated him. Is it any wonder that every woman leaves him? He complains of being 'used', in a passive-agressive sort of way, but used the last girlfriend after me for sex, and the one after that too. Everything is calculated by him as to what he is owed. Nothing every given freely. And all asked him to do was simply not to be mean to me. Instead, I get a fatherly lecture from a mental midget about how I always misconstrue his words, and he'll deign to help me with the iPod one last time, but he can't take the misinterpretations of his actions anymore. What he truly can't take is someone calling him on his bull. And his request that I sever all contact with him sounds strangely retaliatory and redundant, because I made a similar request of him two years ago after allowing him to manipulate me back into an abusive relationship way too many times. In time, I relented and tried to be friends with him, listening to him whine about not being able to get what he "needs" from girlfriends, passing on some networking to him, and occasionally asking for assistance electronically. He implied that all I ever did was ask for favors, denied it when I called him on it, reprimanded me for misinterpretation, and then proceeded to say that he would no longer do any "favors" for me...effectively proving where his petty focus really was, and proving my point.
When we dated, nothing was ever given as a kindness without the expectation of sex in return. Not breakfast, not a book, not Christmas presents, not an ear to listen, nor help with electronics. The price of everything was sex. Sometimes expected of me several times a day. So reminiscent of past relationships that, after him, I firmly resolved to be celibate until I stopped being attracted to men who use women for sex. I'd had enough.
After going to the ER because of his sex addiction when we dated, and letting him do things like reduce me to tears because I simply piped up and told the pizza guy what else I wanted on the pizza, instead of letting the male chauvinist pig do it...I should truly have known better than to ask his help with iPod. For some reason I thought that 2 1/2 years would have wrought change in him. Not so...
So, I composed a polite but truthful response, probably killing all possibility of retrieving my iTunes. But who needs an overgrown child in their life anyway? I spent the rest of the evening talking to my Dad, and Akal Sahai. People who have taken the time to learn from their mistakes and grow. People I can resonate with and try to trust.
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