Today is Day 187 of Bound Lotus. Today is also the completion of 120 Days of 'Releasing Fear' meditation. An auspicious day to be dawning. Last night, at 9:06 pm, I checked my e-mail on my iPhone. Earlier, at 8:49 pm, I had received an e-mail from 3HO with my new name. I had not expected it so soon. I sat in my meditation room to read it, and when I saw the name 'Amrita', I knew it was right. I felt the emotion rumbling in my belly, and the tears of joy beginning to bubble up like a deep artesian well. This name, is what I "heard" back in 2006 that I thought was 'Amora' or 'Amira', that I more recently thought was 'Akal Moorat', meaning "deathless". This name, AMRITA, is part of the honored name of my beloved Ammachi (Sri Amritanandamayi Devi), whose picture resides on my altar with that of Yogi Bhajan and the murtis of Krishna, Kali, Saraswati and Lakshmi. This name is in the mantra I took from Ammachi in 2006, and that I try to say at least one round of on a mala (108 times) every day, if not more. This name is, I am given to understand, very auspicious. It appears I have great numerology? I don't know about that, but I do know the name means 'divine nectar', the ambrosial liquid akin to cerebrospinal fluid that travels through CNS and PNS when the Kundalini energy is moving. This name also means "strong, strength and deathless". Sounds like a Phoenix from the flame to me...
This name was also on the cover of a book I bought in late 1996. It was the novel "Amrita" by the Japanese magickal realism writer Banana Yoshimoto. I showed it to the creep I was dating then, and showed him the cover picture of a girl with tears falling from her eyes down the page, that looked like the picture I drew for my sister while she was at summer camp when I was 5 and could not write, and I missed her. The book is about a young woman who loses a family member to suicide, falls on her head (like me), gets amnesia (kind of like me), goes through grief, dark nights of the soul, and the shadows of her soul, to find her soul again. I've never actually and completely read the book, but I've meant to for years. Now I will. I've read the last page which I love and will quote here because it pretty much sums up how I feel right now:
"It had always been out there, shining brightly. I just hadn't reached out to touch it. But every now and then I felt surrounded by its presence. From right to left, from here to there, like water flowing downstream. Limitless amount of sweet oxygen. The more I took in, the greater the supply.
"Like a saint in the legends who reached out and took jewels from the sky, I had the same kind of talent for gathering miracles in my life. There was no doubt about it. Those feelings had always been with me.
"You know, banging my head on the stairway wasn't such a bad thing after all...
"And that's how I see it."
And that is how I see it. I see myself as Amrita, having falling on her head BECAUSE she forgot who she was, and needed to be reminded. In the worn out words from years ago...This is who I AM: I AM Amrita.
No comments:
Post a Comment