Yesterday I woke up blissful on Mother's Day, for the first time in more than a decade...today I am crabby and tired. I teach to 1, again, for the 6:15 am. One student whom I dearly love for her kindness and enthusiasm, but it is harder to teach one. It takes 10 times more energy, and the monetary exchange is not there to make up for it. I've looked for the 'silver lining' in all this 'practice' and learning from teaching such an unpredictable class, and have told my employer at that studio that I want a break. I can't get subs for a class that the teacher might not even get paid for, because there might not be students. I can't pay someone $20 to teach it, when I barely make $9 sometimes. Can't afford it. So, on June 1st the class goes on 'hiatus'. But basically, I'm done.
Then I go to sub a Gentle Yoga class where I know I will be compensated for my time. I feel free to enjoy teaching without the financial concerns. The students, one of whom has MS, are a joy to teach! Smiles, gratitude for the sheer joy of movement! I'm not just 'service personnel' up there giving them their 'workout'. I've got a student who routinely shows up late for class, and seems to have subconsciously surmised that if she shows up late enough, she can justify skipping shavasana and meditation, which is really important not to miss. But these students in this Gentle Yoga class are here to feed their bodies AND their souls. This is why I teach. For this love.
The movements from Saul David Raye's Ritam Yoga make them smile. Movement comes at a premium for them, and they are not worried about working up a sweat and getting a workout. They want to FEEL. They want to be at home in their bodies. They're done with beating their bodies up. They've learned the hard way to be kinder to their bodies, and not run them to death.
One student needs help from the floor, and we laugh about it. We walk out together, chatting about the trials and tribulations of MS, how it came about, and how she keeps smiling. She cracks me up. I know it can't be fun, but she laughs anyway. This is someone I want to know...
I go to meet a friend for Mass at the Cathedral. It's beautiful. We talk after. I end up attuning him to Level 1 Reiki outside the Cathedral. In the rain. He says he sees pink and green light coming from my hands. He's high from the energy, but doesn't know it. For some reason, this particular attunement takes a lot out of me...he has a high level of anxiety, higher than mine. Anxiety is draining for others, especially for me, because I am 'high-anxiety' myself, and also very empathic, and it doesn't take much for me to entrain with the vibe, or to want to fix it, which drains. I need to get away from him, but don't. It's a great conversation, but it is wiping me out. Is this what I do to others with my anxiety? I don't like seeing it mirrored back at me, and I am exhausted, just as I was the day I first met him the Monday before last.
I get home and do most of my Kundalini meditations. I lay down to take a nap and set the alarm, but never hear it. I'm fast asleep. When I awake, I barely have time to do Bound Lotus! With the Grace of God and Guru, I finish...and it is by pure Grace that I do. I am ever so grateful!!!! No more leaving Bound Lotus till later in the day to be done...from now on, I will do it first thing in the morning.
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