I had an experience once, back in June of 2008, where I was unable to speak, to feel a connection to my body, or my thoughts. It came during the juxtaposition of Yoga Teacher Training and a year-long Golden Dawn Magician magickal pathworking through the spheres of the Western Kaballah's 'Tree of Life' meditations. I meditated on one sphere a month. Some would say I had made contact with my 'Holy Guardian Angel', and had thus begun "The Great Work". Some Catholic thinkers I have read would call what I experienced the experience of No-Self. Yogis might call a stage of Samadhi. It was simultaneously one of the most painful, frightening and exquisitely beautiful experiences that I have ever had. As unnerving as it was, I was agrieved to see it pass...
Today, after wishing I could meet a friend as deeply open and versed in many spiritual paths as I, I met someone at St. Louis Bread Co. Out of the blue, like a rabbit from a hat, came this Catholic family man, open to some of what the New Age has to say, open to Hinduism, to Protestantism, Buddhism, Shamanism, American Indian Spirituality, and basically really a Mystical Christian like my father. A younger version of my father. A deep spiritual friend like someone I seem to have known forever.
I did not enter a space of No-Self while talking to him, but I felt understood, even as I could see he is human just like me and has some hang-ups. I came home refilled with a re-connection to my way of experiencing the universe, uncolored by other's, such as Sat Inder's attempts to define how I should see it. I see a light in this Dark Night of the Soul I've had for some time now, with the feeling of losing my connection to Source. I did lose it. I was listening to other people's ideas that don't resonate for me. It made me wonder how much I myself might preach when I teach.
What a nice gift of Grace in the midst of all this existential turmoil.
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