Kirtan Kriya is kicking my ass...it seems.

Day 98 of Bound. Hm. 6 days so far of Praanpathi Namo Namo meditation and Kirtan Kriya. I had a massage today, and when the tightness in my hips released, I felt a lot of grief. It feels like the same kind of release of painful sexual memories from Kirtan Kriya. This is hard work. My hips are tighter. It seems like they are holding on for dear life to the pain. Afraid of the change. It's okay. I'm patient with my body about this...like a good lover should be, and I love myself. Finally. After years of intense self-hatred. It's been a slow process of making friends with myself and caring enough to be kind to myself.