IF I told the truth...

...about everything, I would not be where I am today. I told the truth for years and watched it get used against me. Friends, lovers, bosses, doctors, therapists...used the truth to hurt me. It wasn't always conscious or consistent, but it was enough to keep me in the rut I was in, to be boxed in, fantasized about and treated with disrespect. Now I 'neglect' to mention certain things about myself. I omit. I equivocate and prevaricate because believe that not everybody needs to know my business. I've had a Sikh friend recently suggest that I tell the truth about everything. Too much disclosure. Some things are better left in the past for everyone. And he has really never been in my shoes or anyone else's. Telling the whole truth can sometimes really hurt people too...you can damage lives. Sometimes, and I know I am going out on a limb here because I can talk alot, but sometimes it is better just to shut up. And it occurred to me as well that if you want to be really truthful, it is a bad thing to take the truth about someone and then gossip to your friends about them. I've had it done to me, I've done it, and consequently, at this stage of the game, I think there are some things I don't need to know about people, and some things I will never tell about myself or others. As open as I may seem, I am actually Mata Hari about some things. It just depends. I know, most of the time, when to keep a secret, and when not too. Pandora's Box gets opened for me the more I sit with Bound, but that doesn't mean that everyone I know needs to know what I know. Just speaking metaphorically at this point...or am I? Who knows? But if someone tells me a secret and asks me to keep it, unless it is about hurting someone or is meant to hurt someone, I'll keep it. I don't have to outright lie. I just don't have to talk. I think it is good when you can tell the truth, but I also think some things are not everybody's business. I have secrets that I will never tell, not even to those who are just bored and want something to gossip about. Oh, especially not to those people.

In other words, as I would like to say to some of my friends, if you want the whole truth from me, you have to earn my trust. But the truth about me, means the truth about you as well. If you open that door...it isn't always as titillating and exciting as a tabloid headline.

Having said that, I'd like to mention that today marks 108 days of Bound, and today, prior to doing it, I did the "Heart of Gold" Kriya from Guru Rattan Kaur's book. I felt really, really good, and my shoulders and back heart opened up as in a way never before...I shared the Kriya with students after a scheduled class, and they loved it! They said they felt just a little high and kinda buzzy. Cool. And that's the truth. Ha!