...it seems. St. Louisans seem a bit reluctant to get out in this cold. I don't want to either, but I braved 5 degree weather to teach at 6:15 am, and then ran some errands before going to see "Invictus", then teaching more yoga in the cold, and finally coming home to order a pizza from Papa John's and do Bound Lotus. Yay!
The pizza is my reward to myself for doing Bound Lotus, even today when the anxiety is so torturous. Aching to come out of the pose, I reflect on the days events: The movie "Invictus" based on Nelson Mandela's reliance on the poem as inspiration during 30 years of incarceration, and after...'I am the master of my fate'...each movement, each line from the actor's portrayal of Mandela reminded me of my father and his similar philosophy of life. His gifts to myself, my sister, my mother and the many others whose lives he's touched, are nothing that could ever be repayed, except with love. And as Mandela is described in the movie, so too, my father is not a saint, but a man, with a man's problems...but one of the kindest, most loving men I've ever known. I wish he could live forever...
In class today, toward the end, just before shavasana, I felt again a presence infuse the room, that has done so at each class I've taught since the end of the Kundalini Winter Solstice Festival. I am in awe each time, and wonder how to reconcile these moments with the bouts of intense resistance and anger I experience at other's attempts to shape the way I process all of this. I may be a recluse, but I'm not a Blanche Dubois by any stretch...what a cruel thing to say. If anything, I'm more of a hikikomori. Or have been. But even that has been about survival. No one but me will ever truly no how necessary these years of hibernation have been in order to heal.
Yet, if the hibernation, in Winter mostly, has not done me good, and if it did not serve me this last week while I was so sick, then how would these beautiful moments in my teaching have appeared like gems in the aftermath of the intensity of the White Tantric experience, and 62 days of Bound Lotus?
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