What was it Jesus said about how it doesn't merit a man to gain the whole world if he loses his soul? I never understood that, really, until I read this book. The characters who hear the cellist's music are transformed. It gives them endurance and energy to do the right thing: to not hate others when they try to project their hatred onto you. I've heard some special pieces of music in my life, and the piece the cellist played is called "Albinoni's Adagio", and it is truly beautiful! From 1945 to 1957, an Italian musicologist worked to try to recreate 17th century Venetian composer, Tomaso Albinoni's Adagio, from the four bars of the sonata's baseline that he found in the remnants of the firebombed Dresden Music Library. Though it is not the original piece, it is extraordinarily beautiful!
As author Steven Galloway writes: " That something could be almost erased from existence in the landscape of a ruined city, and then rebuilt until it is new and worthwhile, gives him hope."
The city is besieged, as my soul was besieged by one man's efforts to destroy it, purely, in this case, for the fun of doing it. That man always wanted me to write about him, and I will, but I will do it in my way, telling the truth, where his story intersects with mine. I have no need to mention his name, and cause slander. On the contrary, if he chooses not to disconnect his name from mine, he will reveal himself. I won't have need of that.
So this entry is about recreating something beautiful out of something terribly damaged. Otherwise titled: "Difficult people are your greatest teachers."
Some people make it really hard to love them, but who wants easy when you're looking for spiritual growth? Growing always takes effort. It is just so painful to realize that when you want to give up on someone you are also, in effect, giving up on yourself. Take one of my bosses for instance. She reminds me of me on both my worst and best days. I'd like to think that my bad days of being testy, touchy and unable to hear what people are truly saying, or responding kindly to people are in the past. They aren't. It is just that those days are fewer in number, whereas for this particular boss, it is every other day. Truly being around her is like walking on hot coals.
People used to say that about me. I hope it isn't true anymore. I may vent, or pour things out on paper, here on my blog, or too trusted loved ones, but I hope the people in my life don't perceive me as having several personalities - a few of them quite mean and very passive/aggressive - as this boss seems to. The hard part, is everyone eventually abandons her, and no one wants to tell her. But every time I want to walk away, I see myself distinctly in her shoes. How much can I take of her behavior, when increasingly, the damage she does emotionally and professionally doesn't get outweighed by her good days?
Seems not too long ago, people were kind enough, and willing to risk enough to tell me I needed to change or else I'd continue to be a very lonely person. Many people just gave up on me. They'd say: "She's 35. She'll never change." At 42, I'd like to think I have. I have a LOT farther to go...
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