Wednesday, November 18, 2009

If anxiety is refusing to open the heart, then grief is a crack in the shell


The pose came relatively easy today while I was doing it, and then as I drove to my chiropractic appointment I broke down crying in the rain in waves of gut-wrenching grief. Grief that brought with it, of all things, images of my Uncle Paul's funeral when I was four. I really loved him and the little red purse he gave me. I found myself grieving for my father's loss of his twin brother, and my mother's loss of a friend. I felt their grief.

At the chiropractor's office they said the swelling around my spine is going down and that the curve is coming back. I felt it this morning as I lay in Bridge Pose - there is space behind my neck that just wasn't there before. JenTara showed me how to lie down in a preparation for Bridge the way Desiree Rumbaugh did in the Anusara tradition to get her cervical curve back. She also did bregma headstand, but I'm not safe to go back to doing headstands yet.

When I kick up into Feathered Peacock, I realize just how much my spine is realigning itself because I can't find the balance point. Inner and Outer Spiral I can't feel anymore. But it is much like driving a new car I think. At any rate, I'm feeling deeply blessed again, because I know just how close I really came to being paralyzed.

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