Shaking Like a Leaf

This past Sunday I had an experience which I did not write about because it was so intense I still had to process it. I was at the very first Morning Sadhana practice for St. Louis, and as I listened to Sat Inder read Japji I felt tremendous peace. When we sang the Morning Call and the mantras, by the time we were midway through Wahe Guru, I was crying and shaking. As we finished I did not want to come back from the lightness I felt. Each time I tried to open my eyes or unwind from the pose, I felt tremendous grief, as if I would cry and not stop. So I sat. And sat.

Finally, I was able to move, and sit and talk with Sat Inder and Pavan Deep. Then I was able to get up and eat some granola with bananas and rice milk. Sat Inder and Guru Sandesh left, and Pavan Deep and I sat talking about the years we worked in the bars, and how hard it was to leave behind all the people who want to be miserable. I'd come home resolving to sing Japji and Morning Sadhana every day...wanting very much to let go of my inner demons from my past.