Coming Home to The Siri Guru Granth Sahib

I had been so hurt and bitter by what transpired on New Year's Day after arriving home from Summer Solstice, and from having to recently quit a studio I was teaching at because my boss there and one of her employees (who had been a cause of the grief at the beginning of the year), were making it miserable to work there. It felt like walking the gauntlet. The last two months have been a walking of the gauntlet. I'd had a most blissful experience with The Guru on New Year's Day, and then all hell broke loose.

Now, after coming home to a wonderful class with GuruSandesh last night, and wonderful news about my teaching prospects, and many other beautiful things including a lovely poem about Bound Lotus that my friend Premjeet wrote, and an opportunity to spend time with someone I am deeply smitten by, I have risen early to do Sadhana, then, as KartaPurkh says, "retire to the Gurdwara for a Hukam."

That 'Hukam' turned into a full-on reading for an hour. Where I stopped was when a certain passage began to make me first cry, then sob, then laugh hysterically, then laugh while crying, then long for the Lord to wrap his arms around me (or hers as it may be, but I like thinking of God as a 'Him' right now...), and for someone else to wrap their arms around me and hold me like the divine manifestation of God he is. As everyone is...and I found myself not hating anyone anymore. Maybe it will last. Maybe it's just a glimpse of what is to come, but the Hukam was beautiful:

Sri Rag First Guru 72? (p. 245 in English version)

"Ambrosia is Thy Word, O Master! it has permeated the mind of Thy slaves.

In Thine service, Thou hast placed eternal peace. By showing Thy mercy Thou emancipatest the mortals. True is known to be the meeting with the True Guru, if by this meeting the Name of the Lord may be repeated. Without the True Guru, none has found the Lord. All have grown weary of performing religious rites.

I am a sacrifice unto the True Guru, who has put me, going amiss in error, on the right path.

If the Lord casts His merciful glance, He unites man with Himself. Thou, O Lord! art contained in all. That Creator keeps Himself concealed. Nanak, the Maker reveals Himself unto the Guruward, within whom He has installed His light.

Giving him soul and body, the Master did create His attendant and Himself blessed him with honor. God preserves the honor of His servant, by placing both His hands on His forehead.

All the contrivances and clevernesses avail not. My Master knows everything. The Lord has made manifest the glory and all the people acclaim His servant. The Lord minds not my merits and demerits. The Master has honored His creed of protecting His slave.

By embracing me to His bosom the Lord has preserved me, and noe even the hot wind brushes me not. With my soul and body I have reflected over the Lord. I have obtained the fruit my mind desired. Thou art the Lord over the head of kings and emperors. Nanak lives by repeating Thy Name."

May I be guided to keep this gift like a treasure in my heart, to be shared someday with the man I love. May that man be an embodiment of the love of The Lord. May being with him be just another way of being with Him, with God and with The Guru. My beloved book. The Siri Guru Granth Sahib. I fall at Thy feet in tears and laughter!