Day 229 of Bound Lotus I did in the Fire Tent at Winter Solstice 2010. Having missed a day back in the Spring of this year, I will now actually reach Day 235 on Christmas Day! On that same day I will complete 90 days of Laya Yoga & the Ashtang Mantra. I am tracking that practice on another blog: aphoenixrisesthroughlayayoga.blogspot.com. When I was working on some rough spots I also kept a seperate blog. On Christmas Day I will come back to write on this one regularly, after finishing the Laya Yoga blog.
Doing Bound Lotus AND Laya Yoga (both for 31 minutes a day) has been challenging, to say the least, at Winter Solstice. It is easier to do them both in my tent. Yet, this morning, for the start of Solstice, I actually wanted to go to Sadhana and Gurdwara. I do Sadhana alone, normally, except for when I am at Teacher Training in Kansas City. So really, even though I went to Winter Solstice 2009 and Summer Solstice 2010, I never went to Sadhana there...it was too much. I was sick at both and in a lot of pain, and lucky to even be there, and to keep up with Bound Lotus. So this morning was my first time doing group Sadhana with more than 6 people. I think there were 100?
It was wonderful, though I kept falling asleep sitting up. Gurunam Singh led Sadhana. His voice is so lovely...
In Gurdwara for the first time at Solstice too, I accidentally sat on the men's side. Now I am pretty sure I was a guy in a past life. At any rate, I am back in my tent, with all of the rain and damp, keeping things dry, and planning to continue blogging on the blog for Laya Yoga until Christmas Day. Wahe Guru!
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
A Phoenix rises from the ashes...
On the other side of my first KRI Teacher Training weekend, with a hellacious moontime for the third time this month, and serious issues with my lower chakras, I have a headache. When I opened up Yogi Bhajan's "Master's Touch" after Sadhana this morning I saw this and it made me smile:
"The purpose of visiting Earth and being a human is to unload your karma here, not to carry it to the next life. That's the purpose. That's why you serve the Master. You don't love the Master, you don't learn from the Master. Learn what you can learn. You have everything in you. Youcan learn from books from the library, but you learn from the Master how to surrender. You do not understand that there is a catch-22. When you surrender, the karma surrenders too. You rise like a phoenix rises from the ashes, and the karma remains behind. Then it's the Master's headache." (p. 168)
That made me laugh!
"The purpose of visiting Earth and being a human is to unload your karma here, not to carry it to the next life. That's the purpose. That's why you serve the Master. You don't love the Master, you don't learn from the Master. Learn what you can learn. You have everything in you. Youcan learn from books from the library, but you learn from the Master how to surrender. You do not understand that there is a catch-22. When you surrender, the karma surrenders too. You rise like a phoenix rises from the ashes, and the karma remains behind. Then it's the Master's headache." (p. 168)
That made me laugh!
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Aadays Tisai Aadays Meditation
This one, from p. 176 of "The Master's Touch", I have been doing as well as Bound Lotus for 1'000 days...I began it later and never missed a day, so I am farther along with it now. Yogi B says this mudra helps to release fear which is the cause of all Emotional Compensation, which he discusses in Class 16. He states:
"Fear is the cause of all emotional compensation ~ which is the cause of many personality imbalances and behavioral problems. A normal person has anywhere from sixteen to twenty split personalities. These are personalities we have created to deal with life. When you are speaking with a person, you don't know just who you are really talking to. This meditation will help to correct this problem.
This mantra is a salutation to the Infinite God. Its meaning is:
Aadays tisai aadays. Aad aneel anaad anaahat jug jug ayko vays. (30th pauree of Japji Sahib)
I salute God again and again. God is primal and pure, with unknown beginning, Who cannot be destroyed, and who remains the same through all the ages.
"With practice, this mantra can give you siddhis, spiritual powers. A secondary effect of this meditation is that by sitting on your heels, you can help to clear away any digestive problems."
Also he says about the whole pauree:
"If you just learn this pauree of japji, make it as a routine, the entire knowledge of the entire universe and beyond the universe will come to you without reading a book. In this sutra is initiation of that knowledge which is in all of you...This meditation gives the siddhis, the occult powers we talk about?"
I'm not sure after what else I've read that I want them, but I like what the meditation does for me otherwise.
"Fear is the cause of all emotional compensation ~ which is the cause of many personality imbalances and behavioral problems. A normal person has anywhere from sixteen to twenty split personalities. These are personalities we have created to deal with life. When you are speaking with a person, you don't know just who you are really talking to. This meditation will help to correct this problem.
This mantra is a salutation to the Infinite God. Its meaning is:
Aadays tisai aadays. Aad aneel anaad anaahat jug jug ayko vays. (30th pauree of Japji Sahib)
I salute God again and again. God is primal and pure, with unknown beginning, Who cannot be destroyed, and who remains the same through all the ages.
"With practice, this mantra can give you siddhis, spiritual powers. A secondary effect of this meditation is that by sitting on your heels, you can help to clear away any digestive problems."
Also he says about the whole pauree:
"If you just learn this pauree of japji, make it as a routine, the entire knowledge of the entire universe and beyond the universe will come to you without reading a book. In this sutra is initiation of that knowledge which is in all of you...This meditation gives the siddhis, the occult powers we talk about?"
I'm not sure after what else I've read that I want them, but I like what the meditation does for me otherwise.
Monday, August 30, 2010
111 Days of Bound Lotus
Yes, if I started again in May, this is where I am at. I have begun to write more privately, because there are issues I am dealing with that have led me down a rather dark path to try and befriend some painful inner demons of hate. Among other things, I am planning my own version of a magickal ritual to heal my Erishkegal, and go down like Orpheus into Hades to retrieve Eurydice. It appears that like Persephone, I have eaten too many pomegranate seeds. These are seeds of anger and rage that have germinated and grown, have spread like weeds or dandelions, and every time I think I've cleared a field they come back in greater numbers.
This is the truth of what Tsultrim Allione writes in her book "Feeding Your Demons". The Hydra just grows more heads, and the last one is immortal, so burying it is pointless and worse. It will just give the demon greater power. So, in my version of the Tibetan practice of Chöd, without a bell, thighbone trumpet or drum, I am honoring my demons by dialoguing with them in the form of the Vodoun Loa/Lwa. Many of the older spiritual egregores in that religion are more daemons than demons, guiding spirits that have been demonized and and lumped in with those that actually are more demonic. In theory, Vodoun does not seperate good from evil, but in practice there are Rada Loa like Erzulie Freda, full of love and beauty, Papa Legba who is like a Ganesha of sorts; and there are Guede or Ghede who are the spirits of our dead ancestors, who cuss a lot and are disrespectful and a bit mercenary, but funny. The Petro Loa are like spirit egregores of all the rage, hate and pain within the African diasporic past.
I feel a connection to the path of Vodoun, and have begun to metaphysically clear the closets of my mind as well as my physical closets. These entities seem no different than the Tibetan Buddhist Wrathful deities that we must pass through and befriend. And the Tibetan brand of Buddhism blends with their native Bon religion, which seems much like the African Fon religion out of which Vodoun grew. And yes, there is evil, there are Bocors and Caplatas who exploit the Petro loa, just as there were great sorcerers like Milarepa in the mists of Tibetan Buddhist antiquity, and Thug Cults surrounding Kali in the Hindu faith.
But there are also those who have befriended Kali and allowed her to become a protectress. And the same with Ganesha in the distant past who became both a giver and remover of obstacles from his past as a more wrathful deity. My demons and Voodoun's demons can become daemons...guides and friends, no longer enemies. I don't want to fight anymore...I want to be friends.
This is the truth of what Tsultrim Allione writes in her book "Feeding Your Demons". The Hydra just grows more heads, and the last one is immortal, so burying it is pointless and worse. It will just give the demon greater power. So, in my version of the Tibetan practice of Chöd, without a bell, thighbone trumpet or drum, I am honoring my demons by dialoguing with them in the form of the Vodoun Loa/Lwa. Many of the older spiritual egregores in that religion are more daemons than demons, guiding spirits that have been demonized and and lumped in with those that actually are more demonic. In theory, Vodoun does not seperate good from evil, but in practice there are Rada Loa like Erzulie Freda, full of love and beauty, Papa Legba who is like a Ganesha of sorts; and there are Guede or Ghede who are the spirits of our dead ancestors, who cuss a lot and are disrespectful and a bit mercenary, but funny. The Petro Loa are like spirit egregores of all the rage, hate and pain within the African diasporic past.
I feel a connection to the path of Vodoun, and have begun to metaphysically clear the closets of my mind as well as my physical closets. These entities seem no different than the Tibetan Buddhist Wrathful deities that we must pass through and befriend. And the Tibetan brand of Buddhism blends with their native Bon religion, which seems much like the African Fon religion out of which Vodoun grew. And yes, there is evil, there are Bocors and Caplatas who exploit the Petro loa, just as there were great sorcerers like Milarepa in the mists of Tibetan Buddhist antiquity, and Thug Cults surrounding Kali in the Hindu faith.
But there are also those who have befriended Kali and allowed her to become a protectress. And the same with Ganesha in the distant past who became both a giver and remover of obstacles from his past as a more wrathful deity. My demons and Voodoun's demons can become daemons...guides and friends, no longer enemies. I don't want to fight anymore...I want to be friends.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Blissful Beauty
So even though it creeps me out that my ex of 10 years disrespected my recent request to be left alone, and sent me a sexual innuendo via facebook on Friday the 13th, no less, I am enjoying subbing classes. I had a wonderful group of students, and little Alexander came by to say hello. I feel the studio is blessed by his presence. And I got to try out new sequences of postures because the students at this studio are well-versed in the basics, and beyond. I love teaching! I love it!
Friday, August 13, 2010
Pavęlle, Æmmash § a black cat
...from PVELL ...PALE ...Aleph & Shamain (not Shaman). Shamain for Heaven, and Aleph, as in the miraculous mystery of... On this 95th Day of Bound Lotus, this is where my mind is...on this egregore no different in purpose than the changes wrought by the practice of Kundalini Yoga.
My day was hard going, with my personal demons rebelling against the disciplinary measures I've undertaken since November 3rd, 2009, compounded by what they feel is cruel, unusual, and boring punishment derived from my binding them with many more Kundalini practices. Sometimes it feels like smoking the rats out of the house. Today felt like poo (likely due to a subterranean and DNA-inscribed superstition of Friday the 13th which, though my ego likes to believe it does not heed, my subconscious does...), until I chanced to have a conversation with Harry (as in Harold Roth), about all things magickal. I had occasion to do this when I placed an order for incense. Specifically the Faux Ambergris I used for scrying the sephira of Kether on the Tree of Life in 08', as well as Crowley's Tetragrammaton, La Belle Femme Love Oil for Aphrodite, Tagriel's 26th Mansion of the Moon incense, and Bone Flower Necromancy oil. This latter sounded deliciously infused with the essence of tuberose, like the tuberose I planted under an overpass on highway 55, to negate a vicious memory of personal torture at the hands of an aspiring Beelzebub impersonator, already previously documented as an ex of mine. That little 'expose' had me standing behind a cement wall, looking like Kilroy, but with a trowel and a garbage bag containing said plant.
So.. after two hours of discussing the merits of Kabbalistic magick, I got off the phone feeling much better, and twisted myself into Bound Lotus before setting out to teach Yoga. At the designated studio, I drove up to find sweet little Alexander, the black cat who frequents the studio, parked under the window, waiting to be let in. His furry, purring sweet self graced our practice, while I taught my recently named new poses: Santocha Vyaghrasana § Nighudanagasana...or 'Crouching Tiger' and 'Hidden Dragon'.
A lovely dinner after with my newfound friend Maria rounded out my evening, as we chatted like old girlfriends. Old girlfriends I've never had before in my life! So tell me Kundalini Yoga is not like magick? And tell me that magick doesn't work as I contemplate creating servitors to protect me as I sleep, from people who would like to fuck me, and whom I don't wish to fuck because I don't feel they love ME, just my energy. Tell me magick doesn't work on this -Friday the 13th - as I complete my entire Banishings, Invocations, Middle Pillar and Rose Cross Rituals to cut cords and protect after my request to be left alone was ignored.
I will be sleeping like a baby. Dreaming of black cats and Pavęlle § Æmmash.
My day was hard going, with my personal demons rebelling against the disciplinary measures I've undertaken since November 3rd, 2009, compounded by what they feel is cruel, unusual, and boring punishment derived from my binding them with many more Kundalini practices. Sometimes it feels like smoking the rats out of the house. Today felt like poo (likely due to a subterranean and DNA-inscribed superstition of Friday the 13th which, though my ego likes to believe it does not heed, my subconscious does...), until I chanced to have a conversation with Harry (as in Harold Roth), about all things magickal. I had occasion to do this when I placed an order for incense. Specifically the Faux Ambergris I used for scrying the sephira of Kether on the Tree of Life in 08', as well as Crowley's Tetragrammaton, La Belle Femme Love Oil for Aphrodite, Tagriel's 26th Mansion of the Moon incense, and Bone Flower Necromancy oil. This latter sounded deliciously infused with the essence of tuberose, like the tuberose I planted under an overpass on highway 55, to negate a vicious memory of personal torture at the hands of an aspiring Beelzebub impersonator, already previously documented as an ex of mine. That little 'expose' had me standing behind a cement wall, looking like Kilroy, but with a trowel and a garbage bag containing said plant.
So.. after two hours of discussing the merits of Kabbalistic magick, I got off the phone feeling much better, and twisted myself into Bound Lotus before setting out to teach Yoga. At the designated studio, I drove up to find sweet little Alexander, the black cat who frequents the studio, parked under the window, waiting to be let in. His furry, purring sweet self graced our practice, while I taught my recently named new poses: Santocha Vyaghrasana § Nighudanagasana...or 'Crouching Tiger' and 'Hidden Dragon'.
A lovely dinner after with my newfound friend Maria rounded out my evening, as we chatted like old girlfriends. Old girlfriends I've never had before in my life! So tell me Kundalini Yoga is not like magick? And tell me that magick doesn't work as I contemplate creating servitors to protect me as I sleep, from people who would like to fuck me, and whom I don't wish to fuck because I don't feel they love ME, just my energy. Tell me magick doesn't work on this -Friday the 13th - as I complete my entire Banishings, Invocations, Middle Pillar and Rose Cross Rituals to cut cords and protect after my request to be left alone was ignored.
I will be sleeping like a baby. Dreaming of black cats and Pavęlle § Æmmash.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Shaking Like a Leaf
This past Sunday I had an experience which I did not write about because it was so intense I still had to process it. I was at the very first Morning Sadhana practice for St. Louis, and as I listened to Sat Inder read Japji I felt tremendous peace. When we sang the Morning Call and the mantras, by the time we were midway through Wahe Guru, I was crying and shaking. As we finished I did not want to come back from the lightness I felt. Each time I tried to open my eyes or unwind from the pose, I felt tremendous grief, as if I would cry and not stop. So I sat. And sat.
Finally, I was able to move, and sit and talk with Sat Inder and Pavan Deep. Then I was able to get up and eat some granola with bananas and rice milk. Sat Inder and Guru Sandesh left, and Pavan Deep and I sat talking about the years we worked in the bars, and how hard it was to leave behind all the people who want to be miserable. I'd come home resolving to sing Japji and Morning Sadhana every day...wanting very much to let go of my inner demons from my past.
Finally, I was able to move, and sit and talk with Sat Inder and Pavan Deep. Then I was able to get up and eat some granola with bananas and rice milk. Sat Inder and Guru Sandesh left, and Pavan Deep and I sat talking about the years we worked in the bars, and how hard it was to leave behind all the people who want to be miserable. I'd come home resolving to sing Japji and Morning Sadhana every day...wanting very much to let go of my inner demons from my past.
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